One time when I was little,
I was like seven, eight years old, I found a condom…unused. I didn’t know what to do with it,
you know? A seven year old? I was still like 10
years away from using condoms. And like 15 years away
from no longer using condoms. Children are garbage. I call this woman, right? She was like, “How are you,
I’m so happy to hear from you.” And I was like,
“Don’t be so excited.” I’ve got good news,
and I’ve got bad news. The good news is that chlamydia… is one of the most
easily curable diseases… that anyone could ever get. There are certain moments
where a text won’t do. The STD call.
That’s one of those times.